ICCCINTERNATIONAL CAT CUSTODY COURTOffice of Transnational Feline Disputes
OFFICIAL CASE RECORDPUBLIC DOCKET ACCESS
DOCKET ENTRY 002FILED 2026 · INTERNATIONAL DIVISION

CASE NO. ICCC-2026-002

JOSEMA v. MARU HOT DROW

International Dispute Concerning the Custody, Concealment and Attempted Theft of Lil Mayo and Fake Calcetines

ACTIVE INTERNATIONAL DISPUTE
COURT OF ORIGINAL JURISDICTION
Plaintiff
Josema
Defendant
Maru Hot Drow
Jurisdiction
Seville / Belgrade
Primary Assets in Dispute
Lil Mayo, Fake Calcetines
Case Type
International Feline Custody
Threat Level
Suspiciously Cute
Current Status
Cat custody unresolved
OFFICIAL CASE SUMMARY

Case Summary

Formal proceedings concern the attempted acquisition, concealment and relocation of two feline assets across Belgrade and Seville.

Plaintiff intends to steal Lil Mayo. Defendant intends to prevent this and has threatened retaliation in Seville.

COURT FINDINGDiplomatic negotiations have failed.
Both parties remain unreasonable.
INTELLIGENCE DOSSIER · SUBJECT 01

Defendant Profile

Assessment based on publicly available threats and highly questionable cat-related behavior.

Intelligence file photograph associated with the Possible Rajneesh alias
SUBJECT IMAGE · IDENTITY UNVERIFIED
NAME

Maru Hot Drow

RISK: HIGH
Known aliases
Maru · Hot Drow · Possible Rajneesh
Reported location
Belgrade, Serbia
Alternative intelligence assessment
Possible actual location: New Delhi, India
RISK ASSESSMENT BASIS

No known red flags. Suspicious.

BEHAVIORAL PROBABILITY MATRIXCONFIDENCE: MODERATE
Probability Defendant Is Actually Rajneesh37.4%
Probability Defendant Wants Plaintiff's Crypto61.8%
Probability Defendant Will Attempt Cat Theft99.8%
Probability Defendant Is Innocent2.1%

SOURCE: OFFICE OF STRATEGIC OVERTHINKING · UPDATED CONTINUOUSLY

FORMAL INDICTMENT

Federal-Style Charges

01
COUNT IVIOLATION · ICCC § 12.04(a)

Failure to Provide Nail Photographic Evidence in a Timely Manner

Defendant obtained a French manicure despite being aware of Plaintiff's documented interest in receiving photographic evidence.

Mitigating circumstanceDefendant later testified that the photograph had been taken specifically for Plaintiff.

Court dispositionStrike 2 revoked. Heart emoji privileges restored.

PARDONED
02
COUNT IIVIOLATION · ICCC § 18.77(c)

Attempted Concealment of Lil Mayo

Defendant proposed confining Lil Mayo after learning Plaintiff intended to acquire him in Belgrade.

Court notePossible mousetrap operation.

ACTIVE
03
COUNT IIIVIOLATION · ICCC § 22.11(b)

Conspiracy to Steal Additional Cats in Seville

EvidenceDefendant stated:

“I’m coming to Seville to steal Lil Mayo from YOU, and I’m taking a few more of your cats while I’m at it.”

Risk classificationInternational escalation

ACTIVE
04
COUNT IVVIOLATION · ICCC § 69.69

Psychological Warfare

Evidence includes

  • accusing Plaintiff of being toxic;
  • strategic deployment of photographs.
UNDER REVIEW
05
COUNT VVIOLATION · ICCC § 10.10

Excessive Attractiveness Without Appropriate Warning

Court assessmentAggravating factor

UNCONTESTED
ADMINISTRATIVE ENFORCEMENT

Defendant Disciplinary Record

RecordOffense / ClassificationStatusCourt annotation
STRIKE 1CLASSIFIEDACTIVE / DISPUTEDDisclosure not authorized.
STRIKE 2Failure to immediately send nail photographREVOKEDAcceptable explanation. Barely.
EVIDENTIARY RECORD

Selected Evidence

EXHIBIT A

Operation Lil Mayo

Plaintiff declared intent to arrive in Belgrade with two cat carriers.

CLASSIFICATIONDECLARATION OF INTENT
ICCC-2026-002 / EX-A
EXHIBIT B

The Mousetrap

“You know I’m coming for Lil Mayo and now he’s trapped in your apartment. Are you sure the cat is the target here?”

CLASSIFICATIONPOTENTIAL ENTRAPMENT
ICCC-2026-002 / EX-B
EXHIBIT C

Retaliatory Seville Operation

“Fine, then just know that I’m coming to Seville to steal Lil Mayo from YOU.”

CLASSIFICATIONCROSS-BORDER ESCALATION
ICCC-2026-002 / EX-C
ASSET CONTROL REGISTER

International Cat Custody Status

Lil Mayo, the white cat listed as feline asset 001
PHOTOGRAPHIC RECORDEXHIBIT LM-001
LM
FELINE ASSET 001

Lil Mayo

DISPUTED
Current jurisdiction
Belgrade
Plaintiff's position
Will be stolen
Defendant's position
Absolutely not
Court assessment
Negotiations unlikely
Fake Calcetines, the black and white cat listed as feline asset 002
PHOTOGRAPHIC RECORDEXHIBIT FC-002
FC
FELINE ASSET 002

Fake Calcetines

AT RISK
Current jurisdiction
Belgrade
Plaintiff's position
Acceptable substitute photographic evidence
Defendant's position
Unknown
Court assessment
Monitoring required
COURT-APPROVED MITIGATING EVIDENCE

Acceptable Forms of Bribery

The Court may consider:

  • photographic evidence of Lil Mayo;
  • photographic evidence of Fake Calcetines;
  • other photographic evidence accepted at the Court's discretion.

Thousands of photographs may be required in severe cases.

SPECIAL ACT OF CLEMENCY

BY AUTHORITY OF THE COURT AND OTHER COMPLETELY LEGITIMATE POWERS

Your Sins Are Forgiven

Go in peace, my child.

Issued by the Office ofHis Totally Legitimate Holiness
PARDONGRANTEDICCC · 2026

This pardon does not affect pending cat custody proceedings.

PRELIMINARY COURT RULINGENTERED ON THE OFFICIAL DOCKET · ICCC-2026-002

ORDERED AND ADJUDGED:THE COURT AUTHORIZES JOSEMA
TO STEAL ONE (1) CAT

  1. 01Defendant may retain one cat.
  2. 02Plaintiff receives custody of one cat.
  3. 03Which cat is taken remains at Plaintiff's discretion.
  4. 04Defendant retains the right to complain.
  5. 05Complaints have no legal effect.
RULINGISSUEDFINAL ENOUGH
APPELLATE REVIEW

Challenge This Determination

All appeal requests are reviewed with the appearance of procedural fairness.